There are so many thought-provoking comments on here, my head is in a bit of a spin.
I said earlier that spanking wasn't part of my family life. That is true in the sense of organised, calm spankings like I imagine happened in some homes. But there were plenty of slaps and smacks we got. Also there were 2 incidents at school, both very memorable to me, one where the headmistress gave me several slaps on the back of my thighs (in front of the whole school assembly) at the age of 5 or 6, and the other at my next school (so I'd be 7 or 8) where the headmaster was called by my teacher and he picked me up and gave me a few smacks on my bottom in front of the class. I can only describe all these as Absolutely Awful Experiences when they were happening. In the school punishments, I think I may have managed a certain detachment/'out of body' experience but in no way did that compensate for the bad feelings that went with them. Back then, none of this would have been considered abusive in any way. Looking back, I think abuse is not a bad way to describe it.
However, during this same childhood I also remember playing many spanking games with my sisters and friends from down the street. To me, these were exciting, exhilarating and possibly rather addictive. My constant regret would be when it didn't hurt enough to make me feel the thrill I knew I could get from being spanked.
To pinpoint the difference between these 2 kinds of experience, I think the word "collaboration" sums it up for me... or possibly "consent", but I prefer collaboration because it suggests 2 equal partners deciding to do something together, whereas consent could be where one person is driving it and the other is just going along with it.
My fantasies (into which I could plunge for hours on end) were different again to either of these real-life scenarios. In this case, collaboration would have been unthinkable. It was all about Punishment, which somehow I justly deserved and knew I deserved it, and therefore accepted it. The discovery, the interrogation, the judgement, the passing of (harsh) sentence were all woven into my fantasies over time, as well as the deliberate humiliation and intense pain of the punishment itself. All of these things seemed so right in my fantasy, but I am sure would have been so dreadful in real life.
In my adult, working life I have occasionally allowed myself to daydream that a colleague was going to cane me for some reason or other, and this was invariably an exciting thought. But just recently something happened at work which made me think of it as happening for real, with me being punished by a more senior manager and even though it was 'just a thought' it actually made me shudder and I realised it would not be a nice experience.