My Childhood

Some of us had perfect happy bunny rainbow ice cream childhoods. Some of us had childhoods that were reasonably okay. And some of us were abused. Much as I'd like to pretend it has nothing to do with my life now, I know that those old issues can rear their ugly heads. Not to mention coping with the judgmental tone a lot of the "healing" literature takes about S/M, let alone the disciplinary stuff.

Re: My Childhood

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Sun Jun 14, 2009 4:16 pm

I agree with Topper if I understood her correctly...


It's difficult for me to be as reflective about something that I was never inspired to do organically... I agreed because I knew it would be good for J- that's as far as the thought process went. I can reflect on how it is GOING, but what led me to it is pretty dang simple.

I was spanked a few times as a child but the experiences are fairly un-memorable with the exception of being sort of gleeful that my mom got a blood blister because my sister taught me how to clench my muscles and make my butt hard.

We were the lecturing/guilt slinging type of family, mostly. Spanking as an adult feels eons away from childhood.
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Re: My Childhood

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Sun Jun 14, 2009 5:40 pm

ReluctantTop wrote:
I was spanked a few times as a child but the experiences are fairly un-memorable with the exception of being sort of gleeful that my mom got a blood blister because my sister taught me how to clench my muscles and make my butt hard.


That made me LOL. I don't think I could make my butt hard enough to give S a blood blister (though I AM starting to work out more, so...), but even if I could...I mean...I would never... :teeter:
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Re: My Childhood

Postby fail » Sun Jun 14, 2009 6:12 pm

OneSong wrote:
I don't think I could make my butt hard enough to give S a blood blister (though I AM starting to work out more, so...), but even if I could...I mean...I would never... :teeter:


Uh huh. You could try, but I promise you wouldn't like the end result. :-p

And Eeyore - I was spanked quite a bit as a child, among other forms of punishment. My father is the only person, to this day, I am terrified of. I fear no other man, no action, no pain yet if he comes around, I wilt into this spineless, mumbling shell of myself.

He is huge into discipline through fear. He once remarked, rather proudly, that his father was the only man he ever feared. He both loved and feared him. He wanted the same thing from his children and through use of emotional and physical abuse, managed to get exactly that. There is a curious mixture of anger and reverence for him that lingers to this day within me.

He's not a very tall man, only 5'7 but he has a very scary voice when it's loud and angry. He's a big stickler for manners and etiquette so growing up, I learned quickly to behave properly or else. I remember spankings being very painful as he used a thick belt that would leave welts and he was always angry when he spanked any of us. Squirming or flinching was unheard of. We were usually yelled at and made to feel terribly stupid and wrong for whatever we had done.

I do not consciously think of any of those memories when spanking OneSong, simply because it's nothing like it. Rather the total opposite. It's very calm; I never spank her when I'm angry. She's always reassured she is safe and loved and she has the right and responsibility to tell me if the spanking is hurting her in any way that could be damaging. I'm very careful to never degrade her or do anything that would ever make her feel less.

I would never want her to be afraid of me and I have striven to be firm and loving while still maintaining a safe space for her to be in. As you can see, that's nothing like what I had.

And like topper, I can take or leave DD. I had no real concept of it before I met Nic. I do it because she needs it and because there's nothing in this world I would deny her, especially if it's something that makes her feel safe and loved and cared for.

Did that answer your question? :brow:
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Re: My Childhood

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Sun Jun 14, 2009 6:17 pm

SMCtheGreat wrote:And like topper, I can take or leave DD. I had no real concept of it before I met Nic. I do it because she needs it and because there's nothing in this world I would deny her, especially if it's something that makes her feel safe and loved and cared for.


Have I mentioned how very much in love with this woman I am?

And, thanks for sharing, beloved. I'm not sure I tell YOU often enough how much it means to me that you get involved at this board.

Also, of course I would regret giving you a blood blister. I mean, I'd never want to cause YOU any sort of discomfort... :pray:
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Re: My Childhood

Postby Eayore » Sun Jun 14, 2009 7:05 pm

Thank you, SMC. It's great to read this and I can see why OneSong is so in love. She is a lucky bottom indeed. :mademyday:
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Re: My Childhood

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Mon Jul 13, 2009 2:32 pm

This.


You two make me really happy.
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Re: My Childhood

Postby rarewaves » Sat Dec 11, 2010 5:14 am

What i enjoyed a lot during my childhood stage are the different games i played together with my childhood friends.



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Re: My Childhood

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Mon Feb 21, 2011 11:49 pm

Sorry for reviving a dead post, I just noticed it and figured I'd chime in.

I was spanked as a child a few times, and don't have much residual emotions about it. I didn't like it, I tried to avoid it, my mother hated it (at least once I remember her crying, saying the whole "this hurts me more than it hurts you"- and let me tell you as someone who finds hand spanking really uncomfortable- I relate!!!) and more verbal guilt style punishments were more common in my house.

I remember in my teens and early 20's having a running joke with a friend of mine how I'd be the worst dominatrix in the world, and then providing a fake monologue-

"What? You're not bad! You're a very nice person!!!" a la preschool teacher type that I am.

Coming to this has not only been an adjustment for me, but a shifting of what I thought possible within who I AM. In no way did I fantasize about spanking as a child.

That doesn't mean that I am not growing as a person in very good ways because of TTWD. I'm learning how to be assertive and get what I want, and that's very good. :)
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Re: My Childhood

Postby Meg » Tue Feb 22, 2011 1:57 pm

I'm not going to have a lot of time to post for the next couple of days. I accidentally deleted a databse at work, and I have been lazy about backups recently. I am sef-employed, and Obsidian works at the office with me. So I will be spending my free time writing lines and rebuilding a database for the next couple of days on a hard chair so I can experience the rather major spanking I got last night for that. :blush:

I wanted to chime in briefly to what W said. I intend to write a longer post once my punishment is done. I know that it takes a *lot* of energy and work to be a Top....and I know that I at least can be quite demanding of Obsidian, and a bit needy at times. I know that it must be hard for a Top to accept or admit that they liked and needed ttwd too without feeling bad or like a monster...but, I know the thought that Obsidian might only be doing this because *I* wanted it would make me feel *really* guilty for asking for so much from her. I would hope that she would be getting something out of it too...and not just practice being more assertive. Despite how this sounds, I would want her to be able to get some enjoyment out of it...if this makes any sense.

I'll go more into this on another thread once my punishment is over and I have some more time.
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Re: My Childhood

Postby Eayore » Thu Feb 24, 2011 5:04 pm

That totally makes sense to me, amethyst.
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Re: My Childhood

Postby W-Jigsaw'sBoss » Sun Mar 27, 2011 12:26 am

I think it's really important not to minimize the joy we get in knowing we can meet these needs that our partners have. When it comes down to it, that's the most important. I feel that when I make J a good meal. I feel pride and pleasure knowing that I am the breadwinner of the family. I feel powerful and strong when I, um, satisfy her in every way.


The assertiveness and all that other stuff is just gravy.
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