Until O had hip replacement surgery this past December, her physical condition deteriorated on a steady basis for about 2 to 3 years. She also experienced serious depression during this time, probably brought on at least in part by the incredible physical pain she was under.
JA and TRH's suggestions about submissive service are right on!
We did not put ttwd on hold; however, it was pretty limited. The system we had was set up so I could monitor myself for the most part, and did not need much maintenance or active Topping from O. She could muster the energy for a mild spanking about once a week which is pretty much what I was supposed to receive under the system.
We also have the ongoing issue that O has PTSD, and has fairly severe flashbacks. During those times, she can get *really* mean. We have found that, as hard as it is, it is really best for both of us if my *behavior* remains submissive during the flashbacks, so she is less likely to see me as a threat and someone she has to protect herself from. On the other hand, I have to be careful *not* to allow myself to go into a submissive mindset or let my emotional defenses down...so, it is best if I *act* in a more submissive manner without *being* submissive, if this makes sense. If I can not do that, it is best for me to just leave her be until one or both of us calms down enough to handle things. If I am able to recognize the flashback, I can usually do what I need to pretty quickly; however, if I don't recognize it...well, that sometimes is problematic. Luckily, we have been together long enough and O has done enough work on herself, that it is getting easier and easier to recognize the flashbacks.
It is *really* hard though...and you both have my sympathies and well wishes.