Consequences when you don't have consequences

[splorange]

[JigsawAnalogy]

I think it is hard for tops to grasp that punishment spankings, while effective, are not necessarily something we *like*.

For all that I love a spanking in a fun context, I really hate getting them as punishments. And, actually, over the years I've managed to learn to avoid breaking rules that will get me spanked (or otherwise punished) for that very reason: I don't like being punished, which is why it's effective.

Good luck with him being away. I hope the time passes quickly!

[artlover]

[splorange]

[lana]

Hi Splorange
A while ago we had a woman on with an hoh who believed spanking was a reward for her. so he was withholding spanking and their relationship was having problems. I wrote something &.Im dredging it up again so i wont have to rewrite it.

To a guy who doesnt understand the dynamics of DD, he thinks "why should i reward her with a spanking for bad behavior when a spanking is what she wants?" .... Thereby leaving the sub hurt and confused because she needs the spanking/scolding part in order to feel his dominance and caring in a physical way.
Without that, their relationship may get worse because she is either going to be testing him (provoking him into spanking her, ) or she willl react by withdrawing. Then the hoh may think " this DD thing doesnt work ...."

And this i wrote on the same thread re the feeling that a lot of women into dd get out of spanking & why it works:

Its the feeling of safety and closeness and security that they get after the discipline spanking is over that makes them love and respect the hoh till where they are in a submissive state that allows them to listen to their hoh's pov and to obey him. That the hoh cares enough to do the long warmup and scolding and spanking to show in a very physical way their caring.

Most into dd hate the pain of the spanking while its happening but after its over there is new respect and closeness. It is for many this effect (rather than just the pain of it as a deterrent) that makes dd "work" by making the spankee want to please the hoh. She does not want to disappoint him or get OTK for the same thing again.
This does not say its that way for all -but from what ive read its true for many of us who are blessed (or cursed) with this quirk.
lana

ps--His idea of withholding your pc privs for 2 weeks would definitely be a deterrent for me. Also he might try a different implement than a hairbrush like a bb or a cane for something that serious. (I hope something works to stop you-- like maybe you have to write an essay entitled "Why texting while driving is very dangerous")

[blackbird]

Totally agree with all you say lana - nicely put!

B

[Ice-cream]

Blackbird

That is perfectly put!
In fact I'm going to learn that off by heart for the next time that argument arises! Why do tops struggle with that?

Sorry for hijacking

Icecream

[splorange]

[lana]

bb= wooden bath brush and it is by most subs' accounts, including mine, the worst of the implements in that it has the sting and the longer handle and the weight all concentrated into one small area. It is like a wooden paddle on steroids and I am almost sure you would not be texting or accepting calls from your car after a session with it.

lana-

[artlover]

Why did he shy away from the belt? There are a lot of things to recommend the belt. It packs a lot of sting, you can use it to give a strapping of varying levels of severity, depending upon how hard and fast you apply it (you could, for example, use it lightly for warm up and then increase it as you go along). Belts vary a lot, and some are much more suited to light discipline, others heavy. Those that are narrower, for example, can pack a lot of sting, those that are wider and heavier, more impact. I have a belt that is very "broken in" and flexible, which my wife "got to know" somewhat, as you might say. I am sure there are many on this and other boards, who would view it as suitable for no more than a "good girl" or relational spanking. She has a low pain threshold, and it was quite enough for her.

Belts can add a significant emotional/psychological element. It is the "traditional" implement a man would use, so those who like the traditional, politically incorrect element of discipline might particularly like it. And if he uses the belt that he usually wears, you will see it on him all the time, a constant reminder of ttwd. And of course, the moment where he unthreads it from his pants prior to using it, adds an element of ceremony that you may find very nice (or at least, effective). Unthreading the belt, and then waiting for the bottom to undress to receive it, makes for a nice penultimate lead up to the strapping. These kind of scenes show up in a lot of spanking fantasy stories for a reason.

Of course, you have to be careful applying it so it does not wrap and reach areas you don't want it to. But the wrapping part can work for you if you use it to reach areas you want (having it wrap around the thigh, for example).

Sigh! I wish I had more experience using belts, as I find the idea extremely appealing. But we only used the belt a few times. For most of when we did discipline, it was hand spanking only. Implements scared my wife, and not in a good way. I did not mind too much, as I could hand spank her longer than I could use a belt, unless I went pretty lightly with it.

[splorange]

I agree, artlover. My chief follows his instincts a lot with regard to spanking technique and implements. I should really find him a good go-to website that breaks down several instruments so that he has an unbiased view. I know that a belt is an implement with a lot of range and flexibility, but he has the impression that it's too severe. I have told him otherwise, but he tends to forget things I've said unless it really makes an effect on him, and for whatever reason he doesn't have a positive mental association with belts. I have just bought a new leather paddle that he's excited to try out so I think this would be a stepping stone to using a belt. And thanks, lana - a bath brush sounds a good idea to graduate to.

[JigsawAnalogy]

A brief detour to the texting-while-driving issue: have you tried audio books or something like NPR's "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me"? (Not necessarily that show, but something that engages your brain with questions, and is a little more interactive than just listening to music.)

And with the withholding spankings issue, I think other posters are spot-on in talking about the closeness that comes from a spanking. I pretty much don't break rules any more (they're simple rules, and I don't feel an urge to break them). (Okay, and I don't break them because I know W will follow through with the punishment, and I really don't want to be punished for something I could avoid by following the rules.) I think that if we were trying to help me establish a new habit, or break an old one, I would almost certainly be getting punishment spankings for quite a while while I worked to change the behavior. The only reason I can manage to follow my rules now is that they're pretty much the same ones I've had for the past six years, and I've gotten a lot of practice with them.

But if I go for too long without a spanking, I get to a place where my attitude shows that I need one. It's hard to describe, because I don't think I even push that much. It's just a little bit of tone or body language that shows both me and W that I need a little more authority established. This is what works for us.

[artlover]

[splorange]

[lana]

Hi Splorange
The bathbrush is both sting and thud and of course as w any implement how hard it is applied is also a major factor. Generally i will only get the bb for some sort of crime that is very serious/dangerous and a habit he doesnt want to have happen anymore. Period.

ps--Thanks for the positive feedback on my short story in my blog site here, about PolyDD. I really like to hear feedback on my writing. Unfortunately one of the disadvantages of Word Press blogs is that there is no way that i know of.of knowing how many people have viewed your blog.
lana