[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/bbcode.php on line 487: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions_content.php on line 682: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions.php on line 4284: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /includes/functions.php:3493)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions.php on line 4286: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /includes/functions.php:3493)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions.php on line 4287: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /includes/functions.php:3493)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Notice: in file /includes/functions.php on line 4288: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /includes/functions.php:3493)
This thing we do • View topic - A confession of sorts

A confession of sorts

SpankoNanny, WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Here's a section for those questions about discipline. In this case, we're *all* able to stand in for SpankoNanny, and we are all free to ask questions. Got a problem in your household? Check in to see what our good friend (but our firm, strict, caring friend) SpankoNanny has to say.

A confession of sorts

Postby MissChief » Sat May 01, 2010 1:55 am

When the pressure builds up inside, i have a tendency to hurt myself. I had not cut myself in almost 2 years, when something happened that overwhelmed me emotionally. I just sent a letter to a lover, asking for disciplinary spankings, because keeping all of this to myself is very lonely, and I know that there is another way to be held accountable for ones actions. Before, I would cut, or punch, or bite, *whatever* to discipline myself. According to all appearances, I'm a fairly high energy gregarious individual, internally, I struggle with asking for what I want. asking lover for this scares me, and I want to "deal" with this fear in a familiar way. I don't want to do this anymore, I want to feel like I can go to lover and say 'this is what i did wrong...." and have him help me work it out via spankings.
MissChief
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 12:18 am
Location: New York Fucking City
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby Disobedient Girl » Sat May 01, 2010 3:06 am

This sounds a good idea. A good spanking can be an escape valve for all sort of tensions and a route around a range of tricky behaviour. Self-harm has something of a stigma, but unfairly I think. Without wanting to sound as if I think I know anything, I would say there is a vast range of self-harming behaviours, and they probably all come out of the same stable. (I am a binge eater myself.)

Sometimes I am able to avoid a 'bad' behaviour by asking 'What will happen if I ....?' and just a short description of the consequences, or even a muttered 'What do you think?' is enough to make me feel cherished and to reinforce the security that comes with knowing there is a place where I can submit to a painful ordeal and be valued for it.

You will find everyone on here has a bit of a different take on This Thing We Do, which is one of the things which makes this such a great forum.
User avatar
Disobedient Girl
Rank 4
Rank 4
 
Posts: 416
Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2009 3:58 pm
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby Eayore » Sat May 01, 2010 2:35 pm

Sorry to hear you felt overwhelmed emotionally. Your idea to ask for disciplinary spankings sounds a good one. Have you discussed this before with your lover (I am guessing there is some sort of agreement between you already)? How does he (she?) feel about the subject in general, do you know?

I couldn't quite work out what you meant by saying you wanted to "deal" with your fear in a familiar way. I think the fear you are talking about is the fear of asking for what you want, is that right? What is your familiar way to deal with it?
User avatar
Eayore
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 1721
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:43 pm
Location: Ascot, UK
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby MissChief » Sat May 01, 2010 7:25 pm

By "deal with it", I meant, actually voicing the desire to my lover(s). It's awfully difficult for me to ask for what I need, so this was a big step for me. I've been doing a fair amount of reflection lately, and realize tht there has always been a part of me that has wanted to have a disciplinarian in my life, I just didn't understand how it would fit in. Additionally, there is that internal conflict of being a grown woman (with kids), who wants to be spanked when shes acted up; I'm still trying to wrap my head around that one.

Either way, the deed has been done, the letter sent.....the next question would be, do I wait for him to answer, or should I bring it up again? What would you do?
MissChief
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 12:18 am
Location: New York Fucking City
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby Eayore » Sun May 02, 2010 5:40 pm

I think I would want to speak to my lover in person. But I can't say what's right for you!

Not knowing the details of what was in the letter, or what you and he had discussed previously, I am wondering whether you made it clear that it's OK to say no?
User avatar
Eayore
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 1721
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:43 pm
Location: Ascot, UK
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby MissChief » Sun May 02, 2010 6:16 pm

Oy, the thought of him saying "no" hasn't crossed my mind (how awful is that?). There has been thee incidences this past year where I have been disciplined (justifiably so). So, what I really am asking for is something regular, consistent. Part of the reason I didn't consider being told no, is because there isn't anyone else I could go to with this ; yes I play with others, but I'm not intimate with them...

Some of the best conversations we have start as IM sessions, and then (if necessary) continue in person. I see him about once a week, so my online communications with him are important.

I didn't ask for a yea or nay specifically, but i did request that his be open to discussion, since it's important to me.
MissChief
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 12:18 am
Location: New York Fucking City
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby Eayore » Tue May 04, 2010 6:15 pm

That sounds like a really good way to go about it too. Makes sense to me! I'd love to hear what comes from the discussion.
User avatar
Eayore
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 1721
Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:43 pm
Location: Ascot, UK
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby MissChief » Tue May 04, 2010 9:15 pm

I asked if I could visit him in person, so this can be talked about. I will report back on the results of said discussion.....
This should be happening tomorrow (Wednesday 5.5)
MissChief
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 12:18 am
Location: New York Fucking City
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby MissChief » Wed May 05, 2010 8:48 pm

Hello,

So he agreed to be my disciplinarian, though this request segue into another interesting conversation.

He asked me to compile a list of tings I wanted to work on (general and specific).
He wants me to understand that whatever punishment he mets out is not negotiable.
No safe words unless there is serious injury (that scares me a little).
That I have to be willing to submit, and accept....


so far this is it, I'm kinda of wonky.
MissChief
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 12:18 am
Location: New York Fucking City
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby BickaBecka » Wed May 05, 2010 10:32 pm

One of those points immediately raises a flag... in my opinion, anyone should be free to safeword whenever they wish. That's the point of having a safeword. That is why it's called a safeword.

Also, I recommend a little bit of flexibility in the beginning...
Bec
BickaBecka
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 638
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:42 am
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby MissChief » Thu May 06, 2010 1:32 am

I thought about the fed flag sit also, but decided that since he is someone I have been playing with for about a year, he is someone I trust, and I doubt he will harm me. If something is truly wrong, I can speak up, and session is over.

Theres also the thinking (mine), that if one can control ones discipline then it's not truly trusting another to help you correct behavior/ Unlike a play session, where if things get too intense, I can slow things down, the very act of discipline should be intense.
Last edited by MissChief on Wed May 12, 2010 7:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
MissChief
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 12:18 am
Location: New York Fucking City
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby Sara'sGirl(SG) » Thu May 06, 2010 1:55 pm

While I tend to automatically have concerns about the no safeword rule, I can also understand not needing one--for many people, simple communication is fine.

Can you revoke consent? Can you say, "no, I don't want this arrangement anymore, we're done."? Do you want to be able to revoke consent? If you say, "Oooh, wait, ow, something isn't right" will he hear that during a spanking and be able/willing to take it into consideration?

Those are questions I would ask myself to think through how I felt about not being allowed a safeword.

How are you feeling about this? Was it the response you were hoping for?
Nic

Sing 'til you're breaking glass
or you're breaking down

~Idina Menzel

User avatar
Sara'sGirl(SG)
rank 6
rank 6
 
Posts: 1064
Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 3:58 pm
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby MissChief » Thu May 06, 2010 10:53 pm

yes, I will be able to revoke consent. This is someone I love and trust deeply, and know instinctively he wouldn't harm me. So, if if there is something truly wrong physically, I can communicate it to him, and he'll stop (we talked about that). f I want to revoke the arrangement I am free to do so. I've been playing with him for a year...he knows my responses.

Is it the response I wanted?

Yes, it is. Actually it's exiting, and makes me feel cared about. I can't explain that...it's visceral.
MissChief
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 12:18 am
Location: New York Fucking City
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby MissChief » Tue May 11, 2010 9:04 am

It turns out I didn't have to worry about the actual spanking itself, as I've had harder in a different context. What was so difficult for me was being naked. I'm very self conscious of how I look, and have gone through great pains to hide my body. So when he told me to get ready by taking of my clothes (and wait for him in the bed room) I almost balked. This was one of the most exposing positions I've been in (the first that comes to mind is childbirth). I cried, I hollered, I was ashamed, partly for what I did, but more because I was exposed and worried about what he would think about my body. Those voices reminded me that I was ugly, fat, scared, disgusting, and unworthy. Why would anyone want to look at me? All the while he was spanking me, I was conflicted. On one hand I was relived that I finally could finally experience something like this with someone who cares about me, on the other hand I was ashamed and scared. It was a wonderful release. Most times when I cry, it's alone, and yesterday I got to slobber and cry, and be comforted after. He cared enough to do this for me.
MissChief
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 12:18 am
Location: New York Fucking City
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Re: A confession of sorts

Postby joesfavorite » Tue May 11, 2010 12:45 pm

Did he love you after? Than dont worry about how you look. He may just love the way you look naked or he wouldnt have told you to take your clothes off. i am sure he has figured out what you look like naked and so what if your are fat. Lots of people like meat, my Daddy says that he likes meat skinny is ugly. Being a little large shows you are provided for. :umbrella: Dont dwell on that dwell on the love he gives you and how wet you get when he is spanking you!!
joesfavorite
Rank 2
Rank 2
 
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 12:06 pm
spam_b:
How did you find the board?:

Next

Return to WWJD? (What would (Nanny) Jo Do?)

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest