It turns out I didn't have to worry about the actual spanking itself, as I've had harder in a different context. What was so difficult for me was being naked. I'm very self conscious of how I look, and have gone through great pains to hide my body. So when he told me to get ready by taking of my clothes (and wait for him in the bed room) I almost balked. This was one of the most exposing positions I've been in (the first that comes to mind is childbirth). I cried, I hollered, I was ashamed, partly for what I did, but more because I was exposed and worried about what he would think about my body. Those voices reminded me that I was ugly, fat, scared, disgusting, and unworthy. Why would anyone want to look at me? All the while he was spanking me, I was conflicted. On one hand I was relived that I finally could finally experience something like this with someone who cares about me, on the other hand I was ashamed and scared. It was a wonderful release. Most times when I cry, it's alone, and yesterday I got to slobber and cry, and be comforted after. He cared enough to do this for me.