Should a wife be disciplined on vacation ???

[Eayore]

My concern actually would be not for DHW so much as for a complete newbie who is pretty clearly in an abusive situation where the members dont believe her and drive her away the second day she joins.

I honestly cannot see that happening. The members of this forum are too sensitive. If someone is 'pretty clearly' in an abusive situation, the last thing we are going to say is "I don't believe you."

Perhaps I am being oversensitive here. To me, abuse is a serious issue.

I can't actually think of a time where someone has come to this forum with the explicit aim of cataloguing the abuse they were subjected to - and I don't think this would be all that good a place to do so. Very occasionally, people have described things here which rang alarm bells for one or more of us, where we worried they may be describing an abusive relationship. In those cases, generally the first thing we did was to call it out as clearly as we could, to make sure we had not misunderstood. To me this is not a question of disbelief; it is about recognising differences in what is and is not acceptable to each individual, and also realising that words can be misinterpreted.

If ever it did turn out that someone was being abused (whether they realise it or not), I like to believe we would immediately encourage them to get out of that situation. If they are able and willing to ask for help, I for one would do all I can to help them stop the abuse.

What I would NOT do is carry on a thread on TTWD about their abuse. Not that I think you are suggesting this, lana - but to me, that would be horrendous.

[Sara'sGirl(SG)]

Thanks SG
Now I see where your coming from. Thinking about it, two things she said are a little hard to believe but im willing to wait and see . I have met a few other women over the yrs in other forums who have hoh's just as or more strict than hers.

Thanks lana, and no worries, no apologies needed. Now I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy about how we can be honest around here even if we don't always agree 100%.

I generally like to give ppl the benefit of the doubt, too. So, the jury's still out on this one as far as I'm concerned...

Eeyore, I think you're bang on about the culture of this board.



PS I'm using that group hug smiley an obnoxious amount lately. If I'm not careful I'll be singing kumbayah and asking to braid people's hair.

[blackbird]

I've found myself thinking a lot about DHW and people's comments. As a newcomer to forums, I suppose I haven't the experience to spot a fake, but I think JA and Eayore have got closest to the truth for me. In any case, it's upsetting when someone comes and imposes a different feel - really relishing telling all the detail of her punishments but in such a disengenuous way that I vacillate between worry and outrage (and yes, a little envy on a fantasy level) that someone can be so naive. But, in a sense, it's all grist to the mill and helps me define what I think ttwd is all about. In the end, it just makes me glad that people here take such pains to share their experience so honestly. It really is a treasure.

B

[altbob]

@SG -
I hope Meg can see this

[Sara'sGirl(SG)]

Oh my!

[lana]

My concern actually would be not for DHW so much as for a complete newbie who is pretty clearly in an abusive situation where the members dont believe her and drive her away the second day she joins.

....I can't actually think of a time where someone has come to this forum with the explicit aim of cataloguing the abuse they were subjected to - and I don't think this would be all that good a place to do so. Very occasionally, people have described things here which rang alarm bells for one or more of us, where we worried they may be describing an abusive relationship. In those cases, generally the first thing we did was to call it out as clearly as we could, to make sure we had not misunderstood. To me this is not a question of disbelief; it is about recognising differences in what is and is not acceptable to each individual, and also realising that words can be misinterpreted.....

Actually this did happen recently on my other site. It caused great dissent because some of the members thought she was being abused and wanted to help her-- while others feared she was an antiDD troll with an agenda and even accused her and her husband of really being one person. (The husband also came on later to explain his side of it.)

This brauhauhau went on a long while. The mod refused to delete them w/o any evidence that they were fakes; and as it happened they were real which I was pretty sure of all along. It turned out the situation was waaay more complex than anyone had suspected but that is a very long & complicated story . I only mention this, Eeeyore, to warn you that, since the woman is known to come on various dd sites c/o dd, that you will be aware that (as far as we could determine) she is a real person who came from Russia and is married to an engineer.
lana

[W-Jigsaw'sBoss]

I'm curious, what's your other site? I haven't done much browsing in the past couple of years, I'd be interested to see what else is out there, and how they do things.

[lana]

Discipline and Love-- Geared toward LT stable DD relationships or those wanting that and has mainly M/F oriented but we have 2 guys who are in fem dominated relationships.

http://disciplineandlove.com

[altbob]

@W - *gasp*
I mean,




Thinking of cheating on Jigsaw?!?!?!?

[W-Jigsaw'sBoss]

This is my board as much as it it J's. We're pretty hardcore about how we set the climate here. I'm curious about how others are run.

[altbob]

@W - I know! Dang it, I'm trying to create pointless empty drama! Ideally, it should be baseless, like this. This is the internet, you are supposed to have that here! Don't you know that?

[DisciplinedHousewife]

Well talk about a warm welcome home! I read some of this while I was away but couldn't reply until I got back.

Wow, I just cannot believe what I'm reading. I'm so disappointed that people are allowed to do this to people here. How terrible. I have been 100% honest about EVERYTHING but I am still being attacked and ganged up on here. And in my own thread that I intended for something else. No respect at all and derailing members' threads and trying to ruin good people's reputations! I just can't understand it for the life of me. I think people treat people differently online than they ever would in person. If we were all sitting in a group talking about these things in person, I doubt I would get the same disrespect that I have here in the posts. The internet enables bullies to tear other people down. Kids have even committed suicide from cyber bullying and ganging up. Minimize and explain it all you want but I know the difference.

Just because my life is different than other people's and because I made some general comments about some wives getting off easy, I am being ostracized. It's pathetic and sad is what it is and I really hope that no other new member EVER has to experience this kind of shabby treatment or be the target of a bunch of gossip and lies here again. I came here in total peace and I meant no harm whatsoever to anyone. I even apologized, trying to be the bigger person, even though I knew I didn't really do anything wrong...but my apology wasn't even acknowledged and now I'm just getting more of the same, and worse. I know it won't end here either.

There is something very wrong when judging other members for their way of life is frowned upon but ganging up on, ruining peoples' reputations, and publically trashing a new member, isn't.

You guys all got what you wanted and now you can feel all warm and fuzzy inside that you've succeeded in alienating me and finally running me off of the site for good. It's scary enough as it is for a new member to post, but to be ganged up on by intolerant and mean haters, makes it absolutely impossible. I'm only one person. I can't believe that JA would allow this to go on and that she doesn't see how destructive it really is. It's utterly shocking, I have a university degree and I know this is not the right way to treat people. Even speaking about them when they're not even present! I also have a diploma in Human Relations and this is totally unhealthy and dysfunctional behavior.

I've been nothing but sincere with you all. I was looking for a friend, and instead I found mean enemies who bullied and ganged up on me until I had no choice but to leave. I don't deserve it and I'm sorry I never got a fair chance here. I tried my very best but I've obviously been unsuccessful and this is never going to stop. I don't want to keep this going and let it esculate any further than it has already. It's very hurtful and upsetting to me.

I really won't be back, so please don't address me anymore. I just can't read anymore mean posts. I'm really sad and disappointed though and just wanted you all to know it. JA, please don't let this ever happen to another new person again. It's a real injustice and no truly good site would ever support or condone it.

Please just delete my account. Thanks.

Goodbye and take care,


Disciplined Housewife.

[muchinspired]

... i don't exactly know if i have any right to post here, but i would like to say that i'm sorry for everything that has happened to you. i don't want to ever invalidate anybody's feelings. though i would also like to say that this is an extremely good site, has been there for my partner and i when we haven't had anywhere or anybody else to turn to, and that when R and i were new members, we were welcomed so very nicely and that i've never felt ostracized by anybody here. i'm sorry that you've had such a bad experience and i hope that you can find another site that you will feel more at home at.

[lana]

Hi DHW
I personally wanted you to stay and said so. I hope you didnt feel anything I said later contradicted that.(Also still very curious re what happened with the traffic ticket and if you decided to confess to it. I hate it when i cant know the ending to something.)

Since it sounds like youve already decided to go, i think you might find my other site, Discipline and Love, a better fit for you --dont know but pretty sure as its more weighted to M/F relationships. So you are hereby invited if you chose to come (tho im not the mod--just a long time member and youll still have to write to the mod but id expect youd be welcomed.) http://disciplineandlove.com



Whatever you do I hope you can find some place to call your home for ttwd.

Yours
lana

[Louise]

My husband usually packs the steel ruler when we go away. This is quiet, and moreover is just a ruler, so if one of our sons should happen to catch sight of it, it won't mean anything to them. He uses it when they are out playing.

Louise