Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

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Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Fri May 10, 2013 2:59 pm

Hey all,

So, I got thinking about what is one of the most frustrating, and yet most helpful situations in me and E's DD relationship: threatening to spank me.

The problem is that E is inconsistent on following through with the threatened spanking (and I think, from reading other posts here, that he's not alone). So sometimes, I'm like "oh yeah right, whatever, (eye rolling)" to myself in my head when he says that, which is definitely NOT a submissive feeling. Or I find myself dissapointed when the spanking doesn't happen, rather than feeling sorry for my infraction.

Then again, over the course of TTWD, him gently putting his hand around my waist and hip and announcing to our friends that we couldn't go with them but we were going to be very busy ( I knew exactly what he meant) was a moment of a lot of importance.

And a few of those, "keep it up and we'll see if you can sit down tommorrow" or the even tougher, and slightly cowboy, "I am going to tan your hide when we get home" have been the moments that made DD valuable for us.

So what do you all think? Is it valuable to threaten spankings, or does it potentially hinder the relationship?
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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby jessewj » Fri May 10, 2013 10:05 pm

I know Bee doesn't like it when I threaten spankings and don't follow through - she was with me for 5 months and I couldn't bring myself to do it half the time! 3:
But I know she needs it and everything, but still...it was hard.

so for her, I think it's okay to threaten but not follow through but when I promise a spanking and then fall back it doesn't work. 3:
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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Wed May 22, 2013 3:40 pm

That's an interesting distinction between an threat and a promise. I will have to think on that.

Well... I figured if I complain about a website when it pisses me off, I should also say nice things when I utilize it, so hear goes...

The website about learning dd that sometimes irritates me because of its traditionalist views, amongst other things, put out a downloadable book for 3.99 on being consistent. I bought it, and hey...it was valuable!

It didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but it did kind of help categorize the situation in my mind and give me some stuff have E read that might explain why I get so frustrated when he doesn't spank instead of being grateful for the leniency.
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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby Eayore » Fri May 24, 2013 5:32 pm

Nice topic!

Threats of punishment that are not carried out, are just about the worst part of TTWD for me. I have had to become immune to the disappointment over the years - but I must say I still don't like it.
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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Wed May 29, 2013 1:02 pm

I think maybe becoming immune might be a bit more helpful for me...I can appreciate you saying it's the worst part of TTWD for you.

It just tends to make me feel sort of snotty and smug, which is the exact opposite of what I want to feel. So I guess, it's not so muh whether the threats are helpful or otherwise, it's that the threats are only helpful when they are followed through with, something I have no control over. Bah!
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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby blackbird » Mon Jun 10, 2013 6:34 pm

I agree it's all about consistency. We have to live the paradox thoroughly. That we want to be spanked for the effect (both sexual and otherwise) but at the same time, DON'T want to be spanked because it hurts and is humilating. A good dom has to know that. But then, life doesn't half get in the way!! T and I have had so much outside stuff to contend with that we are only now getting back to the basics. We LONG to get it right, it's mutually so beneficial. I suppose I think communication and patience with it all are the only way forward when it doesn't work. And then, in our case, it starts to again.

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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby artlover » Tue Jun 11, 2013 10:22 am

blackbird wrote:I agree it's all about consistency. We have to live the paradox thoroughly. That we want to be spanked for the effect (both sexual and otherwise) but at the same time, DON'T want to be spanked because it hurts and is humilating.
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Very well put. And that "space" is right where a top longs to have his bottom.
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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby blackbird » Thu Jun 13, 2013 2:27 pm

Yes, T would agree with that. The real turn on is to have me at his mercy for a spanking. To completely remove my dignity is his aim!
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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby artlover » Sun Jun 16, 2013 9:31 am

I would put it a little differently. To have you surrender it, that is where the erotism is.
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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby artlover » Sun Jun 16, 2013 10:25 am

I recall a story that captured it nicely. The wife had earned a spanking but is a little whiny and a little resistant to submitting to it. So the husband pulls her over his lap, lifts her skirt, and starts spanking her., wrapping his leg around hers to keep her put. If that continued, it would not really capture it. But what happens then is she stops struggling. And he, seeing that, unpins her leg and she lies there while he continues. Then he pauses, and grasps the hem of her panties, and she lifts her hips so it is easier to take them down. Then she lies there while he goes back to spanking her.

That captures it , sweet surrender, that is what loving tops and bottoms both want. When it works it is magical.
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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Tue Jun 25, 2013 8:05 am

Artlover...quite deliciously put :-). That's sort of how most spankings go for us, but with a bit of a different order. I'm very compliant at first (mainly because I'm often like, holy cow, he's actually gonna follow through, yeah!). But once the spanking gets started, I don't feel quite the same way. Once it gets down to the heavy part of the spanking is usually where I start struggling or being less compliant, but as long as he keeps spanking past that point, eventually, I go back to surrendering. That is when a spanking is effective for me. If it never brings me to that "urge to flee" stage, it isn't enough, and if it ends before that flight reaction has ended, then I don't feel very submissive. So I guess the surrender is necessary for me to feel the way I need to feel.
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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby blackbird » Tue Jun 25, 2013 3:22 pm

YES! LS you put the nuance into it, though I love your scenario Artlover. The resistance is SO part of it. It's the difference between "playing" and real D/s for me. Submission is tacitly given by even the discussion of a spanking - to take us back to the thread. It's not something I would tolerate anyone else insisting on! But then there is the physical reluctance to feel that pain, the certain knowledge I will be taken beyond what I can bear until I give in. I can fight, plead, try to cover my bottom up with my hand but I know, indisputably, that I will only escalate the severity if I carry on, so giving in is the only option eventually, helped by being told what my punishment is for, what rules I have broken.

Ah, then it is sweet success.... and HURTS!
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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby Eayore » Fri Jun 28, 2013 7:10 pm

All of these sound great to me! Thanks for sharing.
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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby LadyShriver1 » Mon Jul 01, 2013 11:40 am

blackbird: yes, exactly. And I like the part about being taken past what you can bear until you give in. It's sort of ironic for me, because once I do give in, it somehow seems bearable again. The submission, as opposed to the resistance, brings the pain back to a level I can handle.
Last edited by LadyShriver1 on Sun Jul 07, 2013 10:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Threats of spanking: help or hindrance?

Postby blackbird » Tue Jul 02, 2013 4:03 am

Exactly right. The giving in brings it back to something like bearable, though T always makes sure there is a little bit more on the end to remind me who is boss, even when I've said sorry.

He gave me the most gorgeous back rub last night - very intuitive and gentle. I'd love to stick that on the end of a spanking. I think the juxtaposition would be delicious....

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