Saying hello!

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Saying hello!

Postby blackbird » Thu Oct 17, 2013 4:21 am

Just want to post something - I check in quite a bit and read old posts at the moment but it would be lovely to speak to someone! How strange that it's gone so quiet. But I'm very glad it's still here. :bunny:

How are you all?

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Re: Saying hello!

Postby LadyShriver1 » Thu Oct 17, 2013 1:23 pm

It has been quiet, but I too check in from time to time. Maybe we need to find a really rousing subject to get everyone going again!
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Re: Saying hello!

Postby Eayore » Sun Oct 20, 2013 4:27 pm

Hello to you both! I have been rather busy with other things the past month. It's nice to see posts from you. I am just working my way through what I've missed.
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Re: Saying hello!

Postby blackbird » Tue Oct 22, 2013 3:21 am

Hello Eayore!! Nice to see you, to see you nice.... :walklike:

I still remember how you got me started on this board. It was very kind of you. It's interesting to think how far I've come with TTWD, and not just write in a crisis - as was my constant state when it all began for me! It was such a shock to find a submissive side when life was all about going it alone at that time, leaving a long-term relationship and living/working alone. Then along comes T and whoosh, life turns upside down. He is doing much better relating to his dominant side now, and is doing Gestalt therapy alongside me these days. So, though there is much to do, we have built a life together, spending most of the year doing up my flat and selling his. Nearly there, we complete in a couple of weeks - eek! And my submissiveness doesn't feel so extreme. I need it for many things and I'm so grateful to have found it as a way of feeling protected, laying down the burden of being in control and having to sort everything alone. Perhaps I'll start a thread about the many uses of submission. But it's all been said so beautifully on this site by others. Perhaps that's why it seems to be winding down.....

Good wishes from a fellow Englander....!!

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Re: Saying hello!

Postby Eayore » Sun Oct 27, 2013 4:08 pm

Hi, blackbird!

It's lovely to hear your news, and how submission has been helping in your life.

I think if anybody has questions or wants to share experiences with 'like-minded' people, this forum is still a great place to post.
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Re: Saying hello!

Postby splorange » Tue Oct 29, 2013 4:04 pm

Adding my hello to the pile. I'm newly single and in any case was living a discipline-free life for a long time now... if you don't count a little self-harm problem that has sometimes been stress relief and sometimes masochistic.... Lately I've had many many new thoughts on ttwd. I'd like to chat with people if there are some of you checking the site.
'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

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Re: Saying hello!

Postby blackbird » Thu Oct 31, 2013 5:08 am

Good to see you here again, Splorange. Hope all goes well....

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Re: Saying hello!

Postby Eayore » Sat Nov 02, 2013 10:50 pm

Yo, Splorange! Nice to see an old friend. Do you want to say anything about the self-harm? Maybe on PM if you are reluctant to post about it in public. I don't check in every day, so if you do post anything, please forgive me if I take a while to reply.
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Re: Saying hello!

Postby splorange » Mon Nov 04, 2013 3:43 am

Thanks. I might post on it in a while - thinking a lot about a variety of things. I'm glad people are here and maybe we'll have some good chats again!
'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

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Re: Saying hello!

Postby Eayore » Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:30 pm

That sounds great. I look forward to it.
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Re: Saying hello!

Postby LadyShriver1 » Tue Nov 19, 2013 4:46 pm

Yes...good to hear from everyone, and if you need to address any issues, there are still people around. I don't check frequently either, but when I do, I'd love to help if someone needs it.
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Re: Saying hello!

Postby splorange » Thu Nov 21, 2013 9:09 pm

So, here's a thought... For me, ttwd was about self knowledge, and growing as a person and a couple. It's so hard for me to see the references online to breaking bad habits and becoming disciplined (especially those that haphazardly reinforce gender stereotypes) because for me, that was never the attraction (though I used it in that sense as well), and it's really difficult to get advice or ideas on using it in that way. I feel I see very much eye to eye with the people who are in this particular discussion though, so, good. My former partner wanted to do whatever would make me happy, and sometimes ttwd was great, but for him it didn't exactly move beyond the 'ho ho ho, naughty girl' school of thought, which doesn't do much for me. He wanted very much to listen, but probably I wasn't coherent enough to make it clear, so he thought it was just about being dominated, maybe about pain, and exclusively sexual. So, looking back that wasn't so good, and in my solo discipline attempts I'm trying to be clearer on the outcome I need. Since it's no longer possible to be spanked 100+ times until something clicks, I need to be more systematic in my thought processes and make it work. How does that fit with the experience of those of you who are in relationships, and needing discipline?
'I had made the mistake of powering up my consciousness without having the appropriate scaffolding in place'

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Re: Saying hello!

Postby blackbird » Fri Nov 22, 2013 6:36 am

I knew your thoughts, when they came, would chime with the depths of me, Splorange. I'm so sorry your relationship ended. You don't really say what attempts you are making at the solo discipline life. Are you involved with anyone casually (wrong word, but you know what I mean)? I found out a lot about my desires from meeting different doms in my early days. A bit reckless maybe, but I was driven by a desire to understand my need to be submissive. It was, and still is, far too powerful a message from the heart of things to ignore, if, as you say, one's interest is primarily in uncovering the truth about oneself.

I still don't know, deeply, why I have the needs I do, but in discovering more with T, I am certainly not looking to be punished just in the "naughty girl" vein you describe. It forms part of a much larger vista, I find. TTWD balances two personalities for the better. T is made stronger, allowed to take a power that was denied him, given permission to take charge. I am allowed to find a vulnerable place to live from, which frees up much that was made rigid by surviving abuse. I suppose the reality is, I take it seriously at all levels, from the playful to the deep and dark, because sex is such a fundamental desire.

I do hope others will join in the discussion. :vibes3:

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Re: Saying hello!

Postby LadyShriver1 » Fri Nov 22, 2013 3:06 pm

I really like the words and thoughts about growing as a person, and growing together as a couple. I've spent a lot of time in my life trying to become self-aware, but the one thing that I always still pushed down, and never really let myself embrace, was my need for disciplne. Oh, don't get me wrong, with friends I was openly "out" as someone into BDSM, but that was just sexual and sort of quasi-taboo. I feel like if anyone had known that I, the queen of the femi-nazis, the captain of women's rights, had a strong to desire to be disciplined and led by a man, it would have destroyed their impression of who I was, and in turn, my own self-image.

I played with BDSM in and out of relationships. I even remained in a relationship I didn't really want for two years because the guy was a really good dom in a BDSM sense. But later on, new guy, very vanilla, I kind of watched my marriage fall apart because of the lack of fulfillment that I needed from DD.

Now that I have it in a relationship, I can honestly say, I would almost rather be single than back in a relationship that doesn't have it. Of course, always easy to say that when you aren't in that situation. Even though the dynamic between me and E isn't always perfect, it gives me some relief just to be able to talk about the desire and the feelings that I hid from everyone, even myself, for so long. I wish the discipline was more effective, but just the release of considering it at all is half the battle for me, and I find it helps me get my thoughts in the right place. I don't know if that's what you were really asking, or if I was just babbling, but either way, good to be in a discussion with you all again!
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Re: Saying hello!

Postby blackbird » Sat Nov 23, 2013 4:33 am

LadyS,I think your point about getting your thoughts in the right place is what DD, at best, does for me. I often can't see my behaviour as harmful until I'm on the right (wrong!) end of the hairbrush. It mostly comes from having had to defend myself very stoutly all my life to survive 3 (father and 2 brothers) very power hungry men. Until DD I didn't even REALISE I was doing it, it came so naturally to me to be defensive and angry in many, many situations.

It was such a revelation, and a very soul-searching one, that I was programmed to act a certain way with a man, and there was no need. I could be met and loved without being so demanding and snappy. My "type" of man was always the Alpha male, in control, and fairly dismissive of emotion unless of the narcissistic sort. I just assumed that's how I was made. And all it did was replicate the earlier damage. But in looking for a mate through my sexual "kink", I found very different men. At first, I couldn't understand how a dom could be so unassuming as a person! How did that work....? :hmmmmm:

None of the men I met would I have considered for a moment joining my life to - they were too "weak" in the opinion of my feisty side. But then I found the strange alchemy, with T, who I liked very much intellectually and musically. His power lay elsewhere. He is not a showy man, but he has a rock solid dominant side which, when he uses it intuitively, is dynamite intimately. It's by no means perfect, and takes a lot of communication, but we strive to be dom and sub because it works. Spanking brought us together and then we found much, much more. But spanking has to be at the heart of things and woe betide us when we forget it. If I become the dominant one, all is hell!!

Just a few more thoughts. Hope it's some help Splorange.

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