TTWD worked and freaked me out

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TTWD worked and freaked me out

Postby LadyShriver1 » Wed Feb 12, 2014 2:59 pm

Ok, so I'm having a little weird feeling, because something in TTWD worked exactly the way it is supposed to me. I messed up. E punished. I learned something from it. Behavior changed.

Why is this scary? Because oddly, I've spent so much time coming to terms with the idea of being spanked, that I've never come to terms with other punishments. Yeah I know, I can handle spanking, but the idea of corner time or loss of privileges freaks me out. Strange huh? I guess it's that somehow, E having control over my privileges "smacks" of some of the things I don't like on a lot of DD sites. There's this implication that he must provide everything for me, and therefore has a right to take things away, when in fact, that isn't the case. He has a right to take things away not because he provides them, but because I've offered that control to him. We've discussed that this pushes my buttons so it rarely gets used. On to the situation:

So, I have a terrible habit of not locking my vehicle. Living in a relatively rural area, and working on a job where I drive my car from building to building on a secure property, I have a terrible tendency to get out without even taking the keys. Although I've gotten better about getting the keys out, I still never lock the car, even when we are at the grocery store, mall, etc. This didn't even change when someone riffled through my glove box and stole a few minor things out of my car.

This caused me to lose my "Tahoe privileges" back in November, meaning I had to drive my stupid truck to work for a while. The truck is safe and reliable, it just annoys me and makes my life more difficult. E warned me, and then checked it...after 3 times, he took the Tahoe away for the week.

Sure, this altered my behavior. Everytime I was with E, I locked the car. Every time I expected E to join me somewhere, at a restaurant, friends, or local watering hole, I locked the car. The rest of the time, I went right on doing what I had always done...leaving it wide open.

He warned me again at the beginning of the month, and started checking again. I messed up and he took the Tahoe away again. My thought process was a bit like "Damn it, I have so much else to think about, why do I have to worry or wonder if he's coming by somewhere? it's not fair!!!!. But I dutifully drove the truck every day for a week, even though he could neither stop me from driving the Tahoe, nor would notice, since right now I leave later and arrive earlier.

Which is when it hit me. He didn't make the rule to be an ass. He made it to protect me. Because if something happens to stuff in my car or the car itself, its gonna hurt. He just wants me to get in the habit. This isn't about control, its about something that legitimately upsets him, that before DD I would have ignored. Just like the punishment, he won't know if I lock my car most of the time, unless I get caught. But the point is, how hard is it to just lock the door every time?

So now I do. I slip up every once in a while, but am mostly better. I don't even think about it much now. However, I still am suffering from a mix of warm gooey sub-like feelings about it and a need to rail against the system (i.e. I didn't change because he took away a privilege, he can't tell me what to do! I'm an adult!). I think I'm gonna get comfortable with being uncomfortable, and lock the damn door.
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Re: TTWD worked and freaked me out

Postby blackbird » Thu Feb 13, 2014 7:55 pm

LOVE hearing about it LadyS. Similar happened to me this week... will write further when I have time.

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Re: TTWD worked and freaked me out

Postby Eayore » Sat Mar 22, 2014 7:44 pm

Great to read about this. I think I have also discovered that changing my behaviour is a purely voluntary act on my part, which I have to want to do... and punishment turns out to be a helpful reminder rather than a 'magic bullet'!
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